178. Reaching Out and Asking for Help Is a Huge Sign of Strength

“In my early 20’s, I married my husband. He was a pilot in the Royal Navy. We did a lot of moving around, and I was on my own a lot. I learned about independence, and how to survive, and bring up 3 children, mainly by myself. So there were tough times then. Ah, it was hard at first, definitely because I wanted to cope. Of course, I can cope and get on with it, but then you know after a while you realize you don’t have to. And it was so wonderful to share and realize everyone else is going through the same stuff. I learned to reach out and ask for help. And that was my first real taste of friends. You know real friends when you didn’t have family around. My friends became my family. That was a great start for me to learn how to help myself and others in the process. I guess my coaching started back in those days. Although I didn’t realize it at the time.”

“I’ve had a very destructive relationship with my mother since I was around 10 or 11. And I have tried everything in my power to rectify the situation. So it came to a head and I said I couldn’t take any more. I was at a breaking point and I said, “Can we just draw a line here?” “Can you just love me for who I am?” Well, the reply I got was, “No, I can’t. And another thing, young lady, I will never change.” So I thought, “Wow, OK.” I really did not know what to do. But something struck a chord. Mom said she wasn’t going to change, fair enough. OK. But you know what I said, “Mom’s not going to change, but I will!”. And that’s exactly what I did. I took a coaching course to help me with my business, but the most amazing thing happened. Yes, my business did improve dramatically. It was wonderful, but far more than that. During my journey was this healing, this repair, totally, of the relationship with my mom. So by the end of the coaching course that I took, I could not believe what had happened. It actually astounded me not only to see the change in me, but the change in mom. And this was without even having a single conversation with her.”

“I think a big reason why people get stuck is because they’re trying to change everything else. They’re trying to change the job, they’re trying to change people around them. You can’t control anything or anyone else. You can only control yourself. When you have control of your own thoughts, it’s very, very empowering. We become very, very strong inside. So, I think maybe take a step back, and think about the fact that you can’t make people be what you want them to be. You can’t control them. You can’t make them do things. You know, I think that’s one of the big things that people might be able to think about in a different way. Sometimes people think of that as a failure because they feel that they should be able to cope, to get on with it and sort it out themselves. But actually reaching out and asking for help is a huge sign of strength.”

1. You cannot change other people

2. You can change yourself and your thinking

3. When you do that, your world changes in profound and positive ways

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey