524. Expert Interview: What If Your Wife Ranks Your Marriage a 10 Out of 10?
Phil Potts is a nationally certified marriage coach, the director of Renegade Gentlemen Men’s Ministry, and the author of “Habits of Heroic Husbands.” A decade ago, he found himself at a marriage retreat, ranking his marriage on a 1-10 scale. The surprise came when he compared his number with his wife’s. They were miles apart, and the news hit him like a bombshell.
That’s when Phil decided that he would begin fighting for his relationship with his wife. Phil’s book is a summary of what he did. Along the journey, he left his unfulfilling career as an optometrist to help other men who found themselves in a similar boat.
What If Your Wife Ranks Your Marriage a 10 Out of 10?
“One of those simple things I just didn’t tend to do is sit down on the couch and ask my wife one or two questions about our relationship and about me as a husband. I would ask, ‘How am I doing and how can I do better? If you envision a marriage that is absolutely wonderful and beautiful, what would that look like and what do I need to change?’ She started to share some of those things, and they were very hard to hear at the beginning. But her answers showed me exactly where we stood and what I needed to do to cover the ground between where we were and where we wanted to be.”
Why Is This Important?
“Research shows that on a 1-to-10 scale, wives will rank the marriage an average of 3 points lower than husbands will, almost always. That’s pretty sobering! Getting clear about how we each evaluate the relationship—sooner rather than later—and committing to improve it can stop partners from drifting too far apart. Motivation, the WHY behind the effort, is the critical factor.”
What Are the Key Lessons Learned Here?
“It’s important to come up with reasons that are bigger than yourself. It can be for God or just for your wife, or for some other reason, just so long as it’s bigger than yourself. If your motivation is strong, that is what will keep you present and in the moment. It will never come from just trying harder. You have to have a motivation that’s bigger than yourself.”
Connecting With Phil Potts
“Untapped” – a video mini-course about how one question transformed Phil Potts’ marriage and can do the same for you. The first 25 “Discover Your Talent–Do What You Love” listeners who sign up to receive this free course will also be emailed 2 additional bonuses. Click this link: RenegadeGentlemen.com/dyt
Subscribe to the Podcast Free:
Careers: Author, Marriage Counselor
Topics: Importance of Communication