120. Expert Interview: Options for Dealing with Truly Difficult People
Victoria Pynchon took a mediation course that changed her business and her life, after having labored 25 years in contentious high stakes business litigation. Ten years after earning a degree in conflict resolution from the Strauss Institute, her business, She Negotiates Consulting and Training, prospers as it helps individual women close their own personal gender wage gap.
Bullies, Psychopaths and Assholes
Yes, there are people who are so self-centered, so unfeeling, so lacking in empathy that they take any opportunity to cause other people harm. But far too often we jump to that conclusion. Then we become accomplices with people we believe to be our enemies in creating a toxic relationship, which becomes a toxic workplace, community, or political environment.
Why Is This Important?
Conflicts around people’s bad behavior really saps our energy. They depresses us. They sometimes leave us without hope for a better future, let alone for our families, friends and the communities that will help us thrive if only we can engage them in supporting us in our endeavors, just as we engage in supporting them.
What Are the Key Lessons Learned Here?
“You can’t be a bully or an asshole alone in your room. Both exist only in relationship. We all have the opportunity to stop, talk, de-escalate. This can heal relationships. We fear having the conversations necessary to heal relationships because we are afraid of being shamed, or of making ourselves just a little bit vulnerable.”
On Her Bookshelf
A Is for Asshole – The Grownups’ ABCs of Conflict Resolution, by Victoria Pynchon, Dean Murray, Illustrator
Success as a Mediator for Dummies, by Victoria Pynchon and Joe Kraynak
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, William L. Ury, and Bruce Patton
Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation, and Positive Strategies for Change, by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever
Connecting With Victoria Pynchon
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