300. Expert Interview: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
Barry Selby is a passionate champion for the divine feminine. He helps strong, successful, single women stop short-changing their love-life. When women get manipulated and hurt it really ignites his passion to help them become wise and smart in their dating choices. He is passionate about women being honored and respected in love.
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
“In the area of relationships, we tend to be attracted to what we see externally. Maybe it’s the car they drive or the house they have or the way they dress, or the way they seem to approach you. But I’ve worked with enough clients to realize how that is so misleading, because it’s incomplete. Who we are, really, is often well below the surface, like the iceberg. Those difficulties we have in relationships are hidden away until the relationship progresses. So, as people look for relationships—especially nowadays with everything changing—they’re faced with online dating sites, smartphone apps, as well as the traditional matchmakers. They’ll be presented with a list of self-described qualities and pictures that will tell, maybe, five percent of the story. So that’s the trap.”
Why Is This Important?
“One of the big pieces of advice I would offer is: don’t get seduced by what you think the other person is about. Be willing to take the time to explore and learn about the person in real interaction. So much of modern relationships are based upon texting each other back and forth, versus even a simple phone call. So, to spend time in real inclusive communication—not just a quick text, but talking by phone, Skype, or better yet, in person—gives you a chance to explore what the other person is about. It’s about being clear about the other person, and being willing to take care of yourself, and not just jump in blindly.”
What Are the Key Lessons Learned Here?
Relationships are based on clear communication, at depth. It’s important to recognize that we are driven by our past. It’s the automatic pilot, and if we aren’t aware of that, it’s like giving your own inner five-year-old the keys to the car and hoping it will drive you where you want to go. What we learn from the outer image is only five percent of the totality of the person. It takes time and commitment to get to know someone on a deeper level. Even with the abundance of new technologies and services available to us, they’re only giving us a tiny percentage of what we need to build a relationship.
Connecting With Barry Selby
Free 30-minute consultation session for those who are interested in going more deeply into discovering their love patterns. Go to: http://BarrySelby.com/consult
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